Be a DICK about IT!

If someone talks about something you don't understand, be a dick about it and google it later.
Seriously, I know from experience that my brain isn't CEO material, but I learned the technique of 'being a dick about it' and I'm often mistook as 'wise' and 'insightful', yet I never say one meaningful thing. . .

Horses Run around, Town goes INSANE!

This week, wIthin all the life enhancing excitement of spring, comes the Kentucky Derby. . .
I've never really thought about horses, well, unless I see one somewhere and think, "There's a horse."
Though, that is the extent of my thoughts. I never think about their teeth, hooves (or whatever they have), hair (unless i'm at the beauty shop), thoughts, speed, etc. Now all the sudden, it's all I have, horses, everywhere. The amount of energy that goes into the Derby is astonishing. It makes sense that people are so stoked because of two things; a) it brings a shitload of money to town and b) the bars are open 24hrs and passing out in the street is pretty much protocol.
I had to buy my Derby pin because that's how you get into the B52s show on Friday, but otherwise the tradition is lost on me, so far.

This week, I'll try to buy a camera and share moments. . .

Something fun becomes SCARY!!!!

There's some corporate alternative weekly "i shouldn't be bothered but i need something to do on the twahlett" paper here. It's called VELOCITY (airplane sound), and in one issue this guy up there was talking about how much he loved the PROOF BURGAH! I spelled it that way coz I couldn't stop saying PROOF BURGAH! as gay as possible, everywhere I went.
Evidently, this guy (Wil) just moved back to Louisville from LA (where he enjoyed minor success).
His interview in VELOCITY (plane sound) talked about how he was "a health nut and buffalo is the leanest meat you can find", and "i get mine without the cheese and bacon".
Needless to say, I cut his picture out and put it on the fridge. Then. I find myself researching him and I find THIS!:

http://www.thewilshow.com/

I wish my eyes blinked once during this fucking web visit, I can barely see now. . .

I'm CLAIRE DAINES!

I feel it. There's something here. . .

HOTTY ALERT!!!

MEXICO WAS SOOO SEXY FOR A MINUTE. . .
BRING IT BACK, GIRLS! USA WANTS TO CHANGE YOUR NAME TO 'BONERVILLE'!!!

A post mullet expose into 21st century WHAT THE FUCK?!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

"I SAID NUH-UNGH!"

Such an effective way to show 'em how you feel!

Teen Moms and the Discounts. . .

The house across the street bleeds teen moms. They drink mountain dew and scream at their babies all day. Two of them can't be over the age of 15. I want to pull over my lexus and cry for a minute, but when they open that collective mouth, it's nothing but laughs and jaw drops.
Sitting on my porch is divine when they aren't sitting on theirs. When that door opens and that moutain dew seal cracks, all I hear is the dismal tide of lost adolscence encroaching on my introspection. They open me up to all kinds of hatefull thoughts, things I never expected to even think in my life.
They could be missing teachers of a humanity I was blind to?. . .or just trashy teenage moms with foul mouths and no green thumbs?
Would it hurt y'all to plant a little bush or something?

Who's that bag with you?

There is an otherworldly amount of frumpy ladies with hot hot husbands here. I just wanna take 'em away from that hell, everyday!
I wish I had like a gay tazer type shits to zap the mens into my pants.
That's all for today.

Oh, got a job at the fancy pants dining spot. Get to wear a monkey suit and call everyone sir and mam.